11 Mar 2009

I am who I am

I’m not being cynical or attempting to brag about it. Just being open to let everyone knows that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

As a hopeful normal woman, I would never ever in my mind thinking that I got this incurable syndrome. My mother, sister and other relatives, as far as I know, they are all perfectly normal. I first had my period at 14, quite late to be honest. Most of my classmates already had it between 12 and 13.

Then, my second period was 6 months later. I had only about 4 the second year. 3 the next year then back to 4 every since. Mommy was really concerned when I finished SPM and she took me to see many specialists. Both western and eastern.

There was once I remembered vividly I was visiting one of the specialists in Sibu when I was 17 or 18. The specialist said my ovaries are still too young and not mature enough to produce eggs (ovum) on monthly basis. Depends, they could get mature as years passed by or they could be like this forever, according to him. If that is this case, I would need to accept the fact that the chance of getting pregnant is varied, small to none. I could be infertile because of not ovulating.

Because I hadn’t had period for quite some time (can’t remember how long), the doc gave me a productive injection, waking up the ovary (by giving a quick hard slaps) to produce ovum in the next few days. T___T And it works but it’s not advisable to use this on regular basis.

So, I called my ovaries as lazy factory from that day onwards. Haha...I was envied by my friends when they knew my issue. “Wah, you save a lot of money, eh”. “That is really good. I wished that I had yours. Having that thing every month is so not enjoying, dirty and so moody”. But I was crying inside bearing the fact that I’m not normal. I couldn’t accept the fact that I might not be able to bear a child of my own in the future. Childless?!?!

You can say I was silly because I even went to a stage on preventing myself from getting involved in a relationship. If I want to, I would carefully choose my man by checking that he’s not the only son in the family. Just in case, haha…I would immediately reject those who are without having second thought to prevent it gets ugly before it’s too late.

As you know, love is blind. There’s no way to run when the cupid pulled back on the string, stored the strongest energy in the bow and once released, they hits both me and Jimmy's back. That’s how I started with Jimmy. As soon as our relationship began, I was really being honest with him. I have a really lazy factory. He too...haha...the cupid arrow was so powerful that he wasn’t giving much thought about it at the first place. He said. True. It was puppy love, who’s going to know whether your relationship is going to last long. Who will ever know that the relationship grows stronger and stronger each day?

While studying in UK, the culture changed my mind a lot. I checked with the doctors here and my fears were confirmed. I have the so-called polycystic syndrome but just a light case. Those with serious case tend to be very fat and lots of illness. With my current good body shape and healthy BMI, I don’t have to worry too much. According to the doctor, I can choose to have period every month by taking conception pills but this doesn’t guarantee the production of eggs.

Or when I am ready to enter parenthood life and still childless, I could come back to him. He will refer me to a fertility specialist for further treatment, IVF or surrogate. That’s a relief. At least I know there’s other way if this cannot be done naturally. So, I opted to take it naturally rather than taking conception pills just to have period every month. Plus both of us are not ready yet.

Polycystic syndrome (aka four season’s period – autumn, spring, summer and winter) is very common in women. I realised I wasn’t the only one when I checked on the Internet. Many stars have it, e.g. Tana Ramsay (Gordon Ramsay’s wife) and Posh Beckham (if not mistaken) to name a few. Phew~~~

Years passed by and still I yearn inside for a baby of my own. My fears grew especially after we tied the knot. Jimmy expressed his concerns one day (about 2 years ago) what if I couldn’t conceive? And I joked, you could get a mistress. Haha… I would be really gutted if he did and if I couldn’t bear a child. I assured him, once we’re ready, we’ll keep trying within a period of time. If it reaches to a point when we think we have tried enough and this is not normal, we’ll seek for doctor’s help.

And Surprise! Surprise! We are blessed with AJ. Horray! I was screaming inside. I am normal! I now felt normal for the first time being a mother. Bless him for cheering our days to the fullest day by day.

This proves that having a four season period is nothing to be scared or uncomfortable of. It prevents me from being moody 4 days each month. It helps me from being feeling dirty each month. At least, I’m carefree for several months. Muahaha….

In spite of this, I need to be very cautious. Being a polycystic syndrome person is dangerous since I may conceive unexpectedly or maybe not. This is the time where you need protection. Are we ready for the second one? Not at the time being.

To those women out there, don’t feel ashamed if you are a part of this. Those simple-minded people can think whatever they want as I won’t even care whatever they think. Because it really does save me a lot of money. Be normal and accept it. Having a lazy factory does make your life easier in some ways which I enjoyed most of it. Not forgetting also, Jimmy is only quarantined once every 3 months. Enjoy your life and cherish every moments with your important ones. When the time comes, you’ll knew it. Be the one who you really are, woman!



Alice said...

Are you posting this in conjunction with International Women's Day few days ago? Haha Very good post! Me likey

Margaret said...

Eh..is it? I don't even know the existence of women's day. it's coincidence only. haha....

Thanks for you comment